Autism Meltdown vs Autism Shutdown

Check in with your reserved children, although their struggles are less obvious they are not less intense.

Screaming, crying, hitting, throwing, and destructive behavior. This is one child with Autism’s meltdown. Laying on the couch, head covered with a blanket, crying softly, picking at the fabric stuck in his head reeling about what to do, how to stop, and what’s wrong with him? This is one child with Autism’s shut down.

Meltdowns are loud, dramatic, and often destructive. They’re in your face, calling attention, and there is no ignoring them. Shut downs are quiet, melancholy, and reserved. They’re withdrawn, and can easily be mistaken as laziness.

While the meltdown is a very commonly known trait of autism and thankfully receives a lot more patience now from onlookers, shutdowns aren’t so well known. I have two boys on the spectrum. My younger son fits the meltdown description, while my older son fits the shut down description. It’s very easy to see when an outwardly expressive child is struggling. When my older son is struggling it’s not as easy to see. In previous situations outside of our immediate family his attempts to self regulate his overwhelming situations has been seen as lazy, disrespectful, self absorbed, and rude.

Isn’t it ironic how we as a society are more accepting of the loud aggressive meltdown, and confused by the quiet reserved shut down? My theory is this; The meltdown is what it is, you can see and hear everything going on in that child’s mind, raw and unfiltered. The shut down is mysterious. We don’t know what is going on in that child’s head. What are they thinking? What is their current struggle? What are they stuck on? What are they going to do next?

The shut down child needs just as much guidance through their struggle as the meltdown child. The shut down child is trying desperately to navigate a stressful overwhelming situation all on his own. (If he could do so without help he would not have shut down.)

If you see your child shutting down, autistic or not, just sit and offer comfort. Acknowledge the hard work and effort they are putting into solving the problem, and let them know if they would like someone to listen you’re available. Don’t immediately tell them how to solve their problem, just let them talk. A lot of the time these kids can find a solution with just a little guidance. Ask questions, ask what they’re feeling, ask what they would like the outcome to be, and work backwards from there.

Our meltdown children are like smoke alarms letting us know there is something that needs attention RIGHT NOW! Our shut down children are more like the utility meter on the side of our house. Someone has to physically come by and read it to see where it’s at.

Check in with your reserved children, although their struggles are less obvious they are not less intense.